A repeat of 2003 ... a beginning of another era!
I didn’t want to miss writing this day …. I just had to record. I am going through am emotional turmoil. I thought I had adjusted and was trying to be happy .. convincing myself that I was preoccupied and just life take me on … but certain uncontrollable emotions possess me at times… and I am overcome with all that I am missing …the need for companionship, love, togetherness, happiness. Just a touch, a caress or maybe an appreciation reminding me that afterall - I am human. I imagine these are moments of weakness – I don’t want to expose my vulnerability and I push back all such thoughts from my conscious mind. I feel guilty, I am here in Delhi for a purpose … I need to exist, I need to fight coz life has always been a struggle. So now … they haunt me at night … in the form of dreams …appearing in my subconscious mind and I wake up. I have been trying to forget and let go. The past needs to be buried – I need to move on but now the same comes in the form of future. I feel unhappy, negative and almost tearful. Even word from home is not too good, a change of plan again…It’s a bad phase in my life. The question is how long will it last and how long will I have the ability to hang on.
But that was another day … now everything has changed. My weekend sojourn has turned out a bit of both – good and bad! Though it has put me into another guilt trip but it was the doctor ordered … I can’t elaborate now. Another episode similar to 2003 July, reminds me of Habsiguda of Raghu. But I am 6 years older now so I am hoping that I will get over the incident sooner. I have been in touch with my old Hyderabad pal – again reminds me of Raghu, who should be paying a visit in a couple of weeks’ time and I no longer feel that lonesome. Infact, I am looking forward to the company of friends … perhaps, God wanted that … as Rajiv says – “Ji le apne hisse ki jindagi.” However, now I will think twice before planning a trip to Gurgaon.
Now it really does seem that 2008 is history. I feel the string attached is slow breaking away ... a silent prayer to the Almighty!
There is another feel good factor – I am getting another offer in Hyderabad though I am still not sure about the numbers but then again it will not be great! Boosts my confidence, though. Credit Suisse is also chasing me but the position is in Mumbai. All things can wait – I have just started liking Delhi and the job. I would be taking some very critical life changing decisions over the next week. Life could change yet again!
Still settling in …
It’s been just 3 days since I am back and life is slowly limping to normalcy. My little pad is ready but occupancy but without the cooking means it still remains incomplete.
I discontinued writing since there really wasn’t anything exceptional happening in life … it would be basically venting my frustration especially since I was just back from my vacation… Now I am back to my normal self considering much as been achieved over last weekend. I have finally got my gas connection after much running around on Sunday. I have bought the essential utensils required for cooking and some supplies which I just couldn’t do without. And all the time, I kept saying … God, why me?! This is the third time that I had to build life rather my household from scratch and this time all by myself. My earnest prayer to God – I should be able to survive this temporary phase and then head back home within a year. My life has become is forever an example of trials and tribulation … Perhaps, there is a hidden message that I am missing. But I must admit, the last year or so has brought about a huge learning – one that will stand me in good stead.
However, Sunday started very badly – uncle said something which I took to heart and immediately set out to put things in place. I have certainly not seen a more opinionated family than this before … everybody will stand up and criticize but not one to come forward and help. Or am I taking too much for granted? Or is it that I have stayed too long in close proximity of this household? Whatever the reason – familiarity breeds contempt hence time to move on … If the remark instigated me into action and settling me down then I guess I should be grateful for that little outburst. Some work remains as I need to buy some stuff before the next month sets in … a visit to the Big Bazaar on Saturday will suffice.
I have reached a new low emotionally these days … I called up and chatted up Viggy about it. He was also of the opinion that I shouldn’t go all out to befriend people as people here simply could not be trusted “…never mind even if you went absolutely mad – we can still cure that”, those were his words. I am coping up with multiple changes in life – and not a single good one. I have not yet recovered from the job loss - then relocation for employment after a rather difficult time searching for one, not to mention coping up with multiple rejections for silly reasons and positions going on hold after clearing a few rounds (usually around the time of the final round). Staying away from family, forcing parents to relocate, losing a trustworthy household help and most importantly financial pressure to make both ends meet, given the commitments that I had. Last but not the least, coming to terms with a bruised ego while dealing with a certain individual who has given me enough trouble for over a year now. 
The moral of the story – enjoy the present especially if you are having a good time, you never know how long it will last!
Life and time changes ….
It’s been ages since I put attempted to write … but here is a long overdue post.
Apart from sheer laziness, there were other issues in life due to which I had stopped writing. I was living in limbo for far too long. While talks of closing a job deal has been going on for long but there was a huge roadblock and progress was rather slow. To say my luck was bad would be an understatement… However, CPA got back to me with an offer, there was no scope of much negotiation and I accepted it. But kept hoping against hope that FT would materialize, but alas, that was not to be! Inspite of Hewitt progressing very well … they suddenly stopped communicating. So, here I was, with just one offer in hand.
Finally, I was to relocate … the acceptance came along much later. I spent the last few days quite tensed but on hindsight I feel, I went a bit overboard. Even Rajan managed a job but luckily he is in Hyderabad. I was to struggle some more now … it is all providence. I flew down to Delhi on 30th August with 2 suitcases full of clothes and accessories, I would say meagre by any standards. However, I have spent quite a few bucks on my wardrobe since the job offer came along. My first halt was at Vaishali, Ghaziabad at Nupurdi’s. Actually, I had a pretty good time there. Life has changed for them for the better and touchwood, they seem a happy family! After spending the first 3 weeks with them, I moved to Noida with Mukta’s parents’. It has been decently comfortable here… Mukta was here along with Sri and we went out sightseeing in Delhi. We even went shopping at Sarojini Nagar and bought a few essentials – I enjoyed every bit of my day out.
My otherwise happy day in Delhi was slightly spoilt by the incidents in Hewitt. I was again caught between two worlds … more indecision because they wanted to take the interview process forward. I was reluctant but they convinced me to take a day off and visit them for once. And would you believe – I actually went back again when they arranged the logistics for another round. All the efforts were in vain as talks didn’t progress any further … heard that the position has gone on hold due to restructuring in the company. Now, things have changed … I would rather stay on here as I am doing something meaningful.
My initial days in Delhi were like adjusting in an alien atmosphere, I often feel a sense of being lost. Like someone uprooted from their base and tossed into a jungle. I am still trying to feel my way and then establish myself. Things at work is better now, I am trying to establish a cordial relationship with my colleagues after an initial misunderstanding with my lady boss. I am still to feel the work pressure though I have stayed back late on a few occasions. Work is just kind of picking up and I should get ready for a few long days ….
There were a few days of excitement early on at work as I had my counterpart visiting us here and we had a couple of dinner get together. I would have felt very bad to leave everything and go and join the other company. I was successful in developing a cordial work relationship with this colleague, the one I hope will continue as long as we are here together.
The highlight of this period has been my first salary which looked rather handsome. Although, I ended up spending a whole lot in shopping and paying the advance for my meagre accommodation. I also had to buy a few essentials. However, I am hoping to start saving from next month onwards. With not much help coming in from anyone but uncle and aunty, I have to slog it out. However, what’s making the matter worse is the fact that I am missing Ujjal and mostly everyone at home desperately. It is a tad difficult to adjust with others at this age and stage in life no matter how hospitable they maybe.
At long last, with lots of hesitation, reluctance and one where I had to show courage – I decided to break the umbilical cord of the relationship. Again, a little hope was starting to develop after the initial contact after months – but I realize nothing happens one sided. Not even friendship! It was just stretching things with nothing concrete happening at that end. It’s the end of another year by the hindi calendar and I look forward to the next year with more hope, happiness and peace.
And now, I must leave to catch a flight to Hyderabad. I am going home to celebrate Diwali with parents, aunt and sister’s family in addition to mine. Look forward to a few days to happiness.
Cheers and happy Diwali!
Life and time changes ….
It’s been ages since I put attempted to write … but here is a long overdue post.
Apart from sheer laziness, there were other issues in life due to which I had stopped writing. I was living in limbo for far too long. While talks of closing a job deal has been going on for long but there was a huge roadblock and progress was rather slow. To say my luck was bad would be an understatement… However, CPA got back to me with an offer, there was no scope of much negotiation and I accepted it. But kept hoping against hope that FT would materialize, but alas, that was not to be! Inspite of Hewitt progressing very well … they suddenly stopped communicating. So, here I was, with just one offer in hand.
Finally, I was to relocate … the acceptance came along much later. I spent the last few days quite tensed but on hindsight I feel, I went a bit overboard. Even Rajan managed a job but luckily he is in Hyderabad. I was to struggle some more now … it is all providence. I flew down to Delhi on 30th August with 2 suitcases full of clothes and accessories, I would say meagre by any standards. However, I have spent quite a few bucks on my wardrobe since the job offer came along. My first halt was at Vaishali, Ghaziabad at Nupurdi’s. Actually, I had a pretty good time there. Life has changed for them for the better and touchwood, they seem a happy family! After spending the first 3 weeks with them, I moved to Noida with Mukta’s parents’. It has been decently comfortable here… Mukta was here along with Sri and we went out sightseeing in Delhi. We even went shopping at Sarojini Nagar and bought a few essentials – I enjoyed every bit of my day out.
My otherwise happy day in Delhi was slightly spoilt by the incidents in Hewitt. I was again caught between two worlds … more indecision because they wanted to take the interview process forward. I was reluctant but they convinced me to take a day off and visit them for once. And would you believe – I actually went back again when they arranged the logistics for another round. All the efforts were in vain as talks didn’t progress any further … heard that the position has gone on hold due to restructuring in the company. Now, things have changed … I would rather stay on here as I am doing something meaningful.
My initial days in Delhi were like adjusting in an alien atmosphere, I often feel a sense of being lost. Like someone uprooted from their base and tossed into a jungle. I am still trying to feel my way and then establish myself. Things at work is better now, I am trying to establish a cordial relationship with my colleagues after an initial misunderstanding with my lady boss. I am still to feel the work pressure though I have stayed back late on a few occasions. Work is just kind of picking up and I should get ready for a few long days ….
There were a few days of excitement early on at work as I had my counterpart visiting us here and we had a couple of dinner get together. I would have felt very bad to leave everything and go and join the other company. I was successful in developing a cordial work relationship with this colleague, the one I hope will continue as long as we are here together.
The highlight of this period has been my first salary which looked rather handsome. Although, I ended up spending a whole lot in shopping and paying the advance for my meagre accommodation. I also had to buy a few essentials. However, I am hoping to start saving from next month onwards. With not much help coming in from anyone but uncle and aunty, I have to slog it out. However, what’s making the matter worse is the fact that I am missing Ujjal and mostly everyone at home desperately. It is a tad difficult to adjust with others at this age and stage in life no matter how hospitable they maybe.
At long last, with lots of hesitation, reluctance and one where I had to show courage – I decided to break the umbilical cord of the relationship. Again, a little hope was starting to develop after the initial contact after months – but I realize nothing happens one sided. Not even friendship! It was just stretching things with nothing concrete happening at that end. It’s the end of another year by the hindi calendar and I look forward to the next year with more hope, happiness and peace.
And now, I am going home to celebrate Diwali with parents, aunt and sister’s family in addition to mine. Look forward to a few days to happiness.
Cheers and happy Diwali!
Wise thoughts ...
- Never let go of your faith in God.
- Never lose hope. Always remain positive.
- Whatever has happened is good, whatever is happening is better and whatever is going to happen will be the best. Time will surely prove this.
- Understand the law of karma: wherever you are, whomever you are with and whatever happens to you, for all this, there is a reason and that is your past karma.
- It is always better to be well prepared in a crisis situation. 'Prevent and prepare' rather than 'repent and repair'.
- Getting retrenched is something beyond one's control. The majority of the stress is because we try to control things that are beyond our control. Practice meditation. It really helps in experimenting peace and disciplining the mind. Most of our energy are drained due to the wasteful thoughts.
- Use the layoff time productively to build your inner resources so that we are up and ready for a new opportunity when it arrives.
- Finally, change the way you look at things. Just think - how boring life would have been if not for those extra challenges.
The seaside sojourn!
It was after ages that we took a vacation – a short one, though. But a weekend getaway at a fishing village called Chirala by the sea shore (South coastal Andhra Pradesh) about 400 kms from the TN border. Came to know that this place also fell prey to the destructive Tsumani flood but not sure of the casualty numbers. We had Piklu and family for company and honestly, the holiday was possible because of the ITC guesthouse at the location. I feel very refreshed and revitalized thanks to this short break although, I have come back tanned and skin infection due to sand and salty water. Never mind, all that will pass.
The days prior to our departure have been very disheartening for me. I never quite recovered from the CPA ‘shock’ but some negative energy was dissipated due to this change from the daily grind. I think, I might have even escaped a heart attack...
The highlight of our stay was the two days we spent sun bathing followed by sea bathing and the skin burns are ample proof of that. For the kids, this was a holiday, first of its kind by the beach. Infact we all begaved like children, playing in the sand with balls, rings, etc. We all thoroughly enjoyed bathing in the sea though it was more sand bathing as we never actually ventured much into the sea away from the shore. It was also nice to see the fishermen carrying their daily booty of fishes caught in he deep sea all through the day as the boats, launches, steamers brought in different varieties of sardines, tuna, baby shark and even sword fish!
Hmmm, that reminds me of the food items that were served at the guest house. Since there were quite a few visitors, the handful of staff members struggled to meet the expected service standards but the cooking was good quality. Though we were mainly served veggie items - the prawn and promfet dishes were mouth watering ... I guess even the chicken dishes were yummy.
On hindsight, I feel that since this was a rather quiet place, a holiday with a bigger group would have been more fun or perhaps in total solitude to read and meditate! We hardly saw much of the town as there was very little transportation available there – but while traveling to and from the station, the village reminded me of a more developed version of my native place.
A weekend well spent - away from the hustle bustle of the city life, I will certainly remember this weekend sojour during recession times (we managed with a paltry budget of 1000 bucks per head) for a long time!
The Spirituality Link ...
So the finer more refined version of this extract finally being published on the blog. I first put my thoughts together then revisited it before finalizing the post. These ideas have been uppermost in my mind for quite some time and now have gained more clarity and hence deserve to be recounted here. Yes, it’s about spirituality and how it has a different more holistic connotation as compared to religion. I think the idea of ‘Spirituality is one and the same irrespective of the religion’- pretty much same as ‘God is one and religion is the ways to seek Him’. Am I getting very philosophical here ... but again everything has a purpose and very little can be accounted to coincidence.
My definition of spirituality is a pure mind, at peace with oneself. It doesn’t criticize, thinks positive and eclipses all negative energies from the soul. It’s about thinking and doing good, learning to keep faith, loving and forgiving even by those whom we have been adversely affected. Now, the moot question is, at least in my case- have I been able to forgive the so called ‘enemies ‘ of the past, those who have betrayed my trust, tried to ruin me. Well, I think, it’s about that I did it. For all we know, they might be even regretting their actions! But then if life, certain things can’t be undone. But who am I to judge those actions. I can spend an entire lifetime – hating them, cursing and in the bargain surrounding myself in negativity which doesn’t serve any purpose because everybody else remains unaffected especially those against whom I am nursing those feelings. So, time to let go of the past!
I also feel, Spirituality is not about reciting the holy verses of the Vedas, reading religious scriptures or even chant the names of God – it’s about detaching oneself from the fruits of our labour and thinking happy thoughts. Like – how can I do a good deed today and bring about a smile in someone else’ face? I was missing all these little things as I got caught up in the rat race for survival. When a break has to come – it will. In the meantime, God has given me this time to be happy and gay and celebrate living each day! I do get some salvation by reciting some religious stuff and reading books, gymming or watching movies so will continue doing that. Another important thing, which a comment from a friend started me into thinking – Should spirituality be about renouncing all worldly possessions and materialistic habits? Hmmm. Each to his or her own but for me at times I don’t enjoy possessing things so I can do without them but am not restricted to the bare necessities also ...
As for now, I just want a happy mind and a healthy body which is under my control. (I don’t give anyone else the key to control my happiness) For everything else, there is the Almighty who controls our destiny!
A musical legend passes away ...
I have not been very regular recording the varied events of late but then life hasn’t really been that action packed. But today I sit to write in this blog with a heavy heart as I mourn the demise of the King of Pop – Michael Jackson or MJ or Jacko or the living legend as he is fondly called. The news was sudden, most unfortunately, untimely and devastating for most of us who have grown up to his genre of music. He hasn’t even actively creating music after being embroiled in controversies and lawsuits as also financial troubles and the last I heard him was in 2002. However, like many others I was counting on his comeback tour in July this year ... but alas! That was never to be ... He succumbed to a cardiac arrest which many claimed to have been caused by medical overdoes and the exact cause of his death is still being investigated even as I write now.
Like every kid my generation – MJ was such a demigod. He personified pop and had many hooked on to this genre. For many years remained he remained synonymous with English music. While many marvelled at his Moonwalk and incredible dancing moves – I was admired his voice which was soft and melodious. Remember – ‘Man in the mirror’, one of my personal favourites along with ‘Just can’t stop loving you’. Other more popular and entertaining numbers were – Thriller, Beat it, Bad, Bille Jean, Black & White and Heal the world and numerous others ... We all marvelled at his ability to stretch his body in every imaginable and unimaginable way (like a rubber band) which so many others attempted to copy among many others in our own Bollywood and never came close to it ... Suffice to say, he has been the ‘inspiration’ behind Prabhu Deva, Chiranjeevi, Mithun Chakravarty to name a few ... I spent quite a few hours reminiscing the younger days as videos and music of the icon was being aired on TV.
Among other things – its redemption time for team India as they take on an inspired West Indies at their own turf starting from today. It’s ‘redemption ‘ because the team’s latest showing at the T20 World Championship was so disheartening that its threatened to obliterate the tremendous achievement of the team over the past year or so. The reigning World Champs early exit at the Super 6 stage provoked people to write them off, not to mention the heavy losses incurred by the advertising fraternity as a result of reduced TV viewership. India was supposedly undone by the short pitched deliveries hurled at them by the Caribbean bowlers and later by their English counterparts. The conditions in the Windies could be similar but this is a different ball game as we are playing a series of 4 ODIs but nonetheless, it will be a ‘test of character’ for the Indian batsman whose confidence level took a serious dent owing a disappointing Championship. I am personally waiting for the action to unfold ... later today.
On the personal front, nothing seems to be working out because after disappointment is Mumbai even the Noida offer is hanging by the hook and still quite out of reach. I did receive a verbal offer last Monday and have been waiting for a written statement which was supposed to reach me the next day. This could be the only other stage in the recruitment process where a ‘rejection’ was pending. As for me, I don’t know what went wrong – they have perhaps discussing the budget issue. Kind of reiterates what the astrologer mentioned about not getting an offer till October. He also predicted that after December 25th there’s going to be a positive period which will turn golden after next year. I guess I need to follow instructions – do the serpent puja and also year the Ganesha locket.
Let’s see how things move on ... of all the disappointments – (now I have run out of words to describe that emotion) it’s difficult to keep your chin up, take everything in your stride and move on to explore the next big opportunity with enthusiasm.
Will wind up today with a prayer - May MJ’s soul rest in peace as we relive his memories by celebrating his music...
A women's struggle for survival in the corporate world ...
By now, anyone who has ever read any post in this blog would have got used to my musings – often painful disappointments, anxious apprehensions, fear and very rarely joy. This blog has served repeatedly as an antidote to a disturbed mind and an aching heart!
I have given vent to my thoughts and feelings, trials and tribulations over the past year and perhaps the biggest professional setback (after the dismissal from UBS) has happened in the last week. I used the word ‘perhaps’ because firstly, I am yet to get a confirmation that GMI has decided not to go ahead with my candidature for possibly the most petty reason and secondly, I am not yet sure that this is the end of my string of failure. I am assuming that I need to travel to Delhi next week for the last round at cpa global.
It’s surprising that even today when nearly half the workforce in corporate India comprise of women – there is still so much of gender discrimination against them. The clarifications on the relocation issue never seem to be convincing enough for the HR department. As Arindam says – If they chose not to get convinced, no amount of explanation will work. Now, I am told through sources that they have second thoughts as taking up this offer would mean finding a new school for my daughter during mid-session! They haven’t yet communicated their final decision yet but it was surprising to say the least – given that I have been there twice and this topic should have been settled in the first visit itself. This is quite like being black-listed by Manthan services that had the same reckoning about a married lady with a school going kid relocating to Bangalore doesn’t seem plausible ...
Under the current situation, with no ‘live cases’ under consideration in Hyderabad – I should give up the job search but I will wait patiently for the next opportunity that comes my way – I never quit ‘coz I know these are testing times.
Week 1 & 2 of February
Again, I have been caught in procrastination. Needless to say that the last 10 days have been hectic - to the extent that it upset my gym schedule but that shouldn’t take away the onus of recording my chronicle. Moreover, there has been quite a few things worth mentioning – the visit of my cousin (second, actually) who visited me from US and whom I met after 12 long years. She is pretty much her own self except that she has put on some weight. She was here on a 6 day trip while she was on her 3 week long vacation to India.
Their stay was enjoyable to us and I hope they too had a nice time. We visited all the places of tourist attraction including – Ramoji Film City, Salarjunj museum, Chowmalla palace and of course the Charminar and Birla temple. I wasn’t even aware of the existence to this palace and the auto fellow guided us around. They didn’t do any shopping but we indulged in all the good food – biriyani at Charminar, prawns at our little Chinese joint and ofcourse a grand dinner at Basera not to mention the while lot of cooking done by cousin and aunt at home which included – Spanish and Italian delight. I also took some yoga lessons from her.This trip seemed a good break as it kept my mind off all the worries – still no news, even the consultant have stopped calling … I have spoken to Hari asking him if he could arrange some guest lecture to be delivered in his colleges. Afterall, how much favour can one ask of a long lost classmate whom I have met briefly after 18 years.
Now for some news about our world – Aruna is packing for her trip to the marriage – Ujjwal surmises that she must have spent over 20K in shopping for it. Afterall, it’s a major show off event. Now, I get why elders often advise children for not marrying outside one’s community, caste or background. Given our humble upbringing, we would never quite understand why someone needs to buy loads of new clothes for someone else’ wedding!!!
Yesterday, I had a word with Prits after months and guess what – from the sound of things, he seems to have got the pink slip as well. That makes it 3 of us now and is job hunting. Now, I am convinced about the MT jinx!
By the way, I have been reading up a bit and one blog that I visit often is Amitabh Bachchan’s more for its sensitive content and words of wisdom than the news events that he speaks about. I found the below quite appropriate - "मन का हो तो अच्छा … न हो तो ज्यादा अच्छा !"
(If things happen the way you desire, it is good. If not, it is better. For then they happen according to the will of the Almighty. And He shall always think and do what is better for you).
He also quotes – “No one can make us feel inferior without our consent.” He even explains that at length illustrating with his thoughts. So, here is what I commented on his blog.
"Thank you Sir, for the ‘pearls of wisdom’ that you share with us every day. Your quotes are no less inspiring than the thoughts that you express – it has touched my life and has invigorated my spirits ever since I started visiting you blog. I have often felt down and out being a victim of the latest corporate reality – the pink slip. As I am grappling to come to terms with the situation, your thoughts stimulate me to try harder.”
Yet another disappointment ....
Well, Deloitte came back yesterday with the news that they have identified an internal resource to take up this position and is not considering me for now. However, since my CV was highlighted and liked hence they would contact me with any suitable future opportunities ...
In plain and simple words - this too didn't work out and imagine the reason. I clearly felt that there is perhaps no other excuse left for me not making it. Atleast - I can't think of one. Hopefully, this is the end and the next opportunity will click!
Keeping my fingers (and everything else) crossed.
Last week details
I can’t really figure out what’s keeping me from losing all that mass although I feel much lighter these days. I haven’t hit another plateau – I can’t keep getting there every one kg. However, on close monitoring the weight machine, there is a fluctuation every 6 hours or so. Looks like its true – I need to put extra effort to achieve anything in life while others get there much easily. BTW, our friend has stated that she would get there much easily almost ridiculing me for spending 2.5 years to get here – which is fine, just firms up my resolve as the journey (to lose 10 kgs more) will be much tougher. However, I wish that it will take me much lesser than 2.5 years to lose the balance 10 kgs. Otherwise, this week was rather ordinary – no news or further developments on the career front. Deloitte is ambivalent. Perhaps they will decide one way or the other by this week. I can hope and pray that things work out for me. I can’t imagine why I should be ‘rejected’ because both my rounds went well. However, such doubts cross your mind when things are against you. The incidents over the past few weeks have left a severe dent on my confidence level. I have started feeling that nothing ever will be the same again... Now for a change – I wanted to do a few film reviews. I have always resisted doing the same as plenty of good reviews are available on the net. I watched ‘Slumdog Millionaire’ which is the toast of the season – what with so many awards and nominations in its kitty. It is certainly and well told story and the conceptualization is superb – the best I have seen in recent times. I loved the intelligent way in which each question was interlinked with the life of the protagonist. Though, I won’t say that the portrayal of slums and the life of its dwellers were called for given the image crisis that India faces today. However, with due respect to Rehman – I don’t feel this composition was quite as good as we are used to. It might have won him the ‘Golden Globe’ and 3 oscar nominations but ... well he has set high standards for himself. I strongly feel that ‘Ghazini’ and more so Aamir Khan deserves praise for the kind of effort that went into making this movie. It was an old story well told but I couldn’t digest the violence depicted in this movie. No wonder he was deservedly awarded the ‘Entertainer of the year award’ organized by NDTV. The other movie I saw was ‘Chandni Chowk to China’ which was a disappointment as far as movie making was concerned – the plot dished out was mediocre even my mainstay ‘masala’ movie standards. However, the kids loved the 3 hour long entertainment if we overlook the glaring flaws in storytelling. Given the big banner and background of the cast and crew – they should have done a better job.
Well, now I move into the last week of my course at the institute – I will have more to recount on the course and if I received any further help to install the sql software!
About the third week of this month:
Well, another 10 days sped past without there being too many changes in life. Someone predicted that the beginning of the new year would bring about a ‘deflation in the spirit’. And the news came which I shared with you in my earlier post that my candidature was rejected. The HR, Sreeja confirmed the same and it was so disheartening that I spent the rest of the week mourning and morose since during these hard days – you never know when opportunity will knock at your door next.
There was another update to this episode when Twinkle came back to me the next day and impressed upon me the fact that this company has the habit of re-thinking and hiring the earlier ‘rejected’ candidate. Now, I recall Sreeja having mentioned that they are not going ahead with me ‘as of now’. I requested Twinke to place my CV for other suitable openings but I am not sure if she would. I didn’t get the chance to mull over the missed opportunity as there were other calls back to back. The second round went well but one never knows – they could be looking at more candidates. Last heard, we need to wait till this weekend before we hear anything further and HR has promised to keep me informed. Again, I am told that there would be a Solar eclipse somewhere in my chart around the 26th after which things are going to start improving.
On the personal front, there have been some occasions and family gatherings over the last 10 days. Piklu’s father-in laws passed away in the first week of this month (may his soul rest in peace) and his last rites were completed in Kolkata but the mourning period was completed with ceremonial get togethers. Thankfully, kaku and kakima were here to support the family during this hour. He visited us on the Sankranti day which we observed with the serving of traditional food. Aruna and Rajan have been visiting us often and all is not well with Rajan too as nothing has worked out so far.
The event of the month was our 12th wedding anniversary which is officially celebrated on the 19th. It was rather low key this time but friends were there throughout.
Well, other than that – life is quite normal – an even pace which I don’t enjoy. Hope I could do something to change things around ... any ideas?
The hectic first 10 days ...
I feel the need to include an addendum to my list of resolutions which I posted earlier this month. •To take concrete steps to achieve greater expertise in the field of marketing research.
This becomes important especially after I got rejected by a company on the grounds that my statistical knowledge was not strong enough to add value to this role and ‘mentor’ a team of primary research professionals. Now, it remains to be seen is how they will get a balance of research and statistics in one person with hands on experience in SPSS tool. Doesn’t concern me now .... but I feel a little let down after a lot of hopes were pinned on this opportunity. The Bangalore trip on the 7th Jan went off without any hitch. In fact everything was as smooth as can be ... the flight was an hour late which kind of upset the schedule a bit but otherwise it was all well. I quite liked the lady there and also another gentleman named Rajendra who is the VP there. However, the interview did not go on well as I discovered later in the evening. The seeds of doubts were sowed when my client call which was to happen at 7 pm got cancelled. The last round with Umang (another lead) was the one which spoilt everything ... the questioning was akin to grilling which is used to happen during analyst days. I strongly feel that peer interview shouldn’t be part of the recruitment process ... I don’t know if any company does it but it is uncalled for especially in case where the candidate is chosen and thereafter they need to work together. Anyways, there is no use fretting over a lost opportunity. I have to pick up the threads and keep going ...
There still seems to be a little ray of hope I can hold on to ... another opportunity is still open ... or so I think. I had a call on Friday late night. Here again things are at a preliminary stage with 2 more rounds to go provided I clear this one. Since these days nothing works out in my favour I will desist from saying that everything was good ... One never knows these days but the profile and experience is pretty much what I have done earlier at MT. Even the timings are EST zone ... Anyways, let’s see. If it helps to keep my fingers crossed ... I will do so. It seems I have to cope with my share of upsets these days but it has been a very busy year so far ... full of activities.
Among the other highlights – baba has undergone the cataract operation and is doing well. He still has to follow instructions for the post operative care so that he recovers completely and in time. Didunma is affected with bed sores and is badly suffering. Mummy sounds so depressed and pitiful when she talks about her constant cries of pain and one wonders what the future holds for us all. Almost an anticlimax to the kind of life she led in her prime. God ... please have mercy on her and keep us away from doing wrong lest we are not tormented like her during our last days.
New Year Resolutions!!!
I am 3 days late in documenting my resolutions for this year which means I have lost 3 days in actually making them work – however, some of these have been occupying my mind over the last few days and instinctively I have started following them. Now I feel the need to put it down electronically& nbsp;for my reference.
So another year has just flown past and while I sit to take stock of my life – I feel that precious time is running out and there is a need to act fast to fulfil the ambitions and dreams I need to realize. 2008 has in many ways been a year of mixed experiences – one which the industry and political experts would love to sweep under the carpet as a year best forgotten. However, we must not miss the valuable lessons such experiences present before us – savour the joys, the highs and good times of victory, celebration, love and adulation. I have seen re-runs of the year gone by on TV and feel that it has been a dramatic year. Give the economic slowdown, power struggle, war and hostility, terror and hatred raging across the continents. We also experienced highs when an Indian won an individual gold at the Olympics for the first and others who emulated their counterparts and surpassed their personal records. Saina Nehwal broke into the World Top 10 in women’s badminton and promises to do better this year. Viswanathan Anand, the chess maestro won the World Championship yet again and of course the many laurels and accolades won by the Indian Cricket team which stands in the threshold of another glorious year as serious contenders to the number one ranking in both versions of the game. We already know that they are the reigning world champions of 20-20 cricket.
On the personal front, a few things went fine but I had to cope with a very difficult phase in my life. However, as I pledge to overcome the setbacks that have hampered my progress this year. My aim is to chart out a road map for this year in order to enable me to get there.
But first, a quick review of last year’s resolutions:
I think I have been partially successful this year as far as fulfilling my resolutions are concerned... in some cases it was not the lack in efforts but rather the situations being out of control that resulted in partial success.
Firstly, I received the biggest setback in my career in August due to being dismissed summarily from my job. I am till today grappling with the impact of that one decision which brought my world crashing down. I have introspected, reflected, pondered and even admonished myself for letting the situation get to this level, I have searched for answered on how I could have salvaged the situation but the solution still eludes me. As Bharat, Dimple and Bala have told me – it is not my fault but a blow of fate and the best course is to come to terms with it and get on with my career. After a lot of soul searching and subsequently looking for a suitable opening in the job market – I am still nowhere close to finalizing one. So, the promotion which I was aiming at sounds rather farfetched now. More on this topic, I keep reserved for the future.
Secondly, on the weight loss programme – I have done a descent job by others standard but didn’t live upto my expectations. I am much fitter and there seems to be a semblance of the woman’s figure – nowhere near the hour glass though. However, I take inspiration from the past and work towards a better results. As they say, miles to go before I sleep – though sleep, I won’t. My diet plan is much better but I need to strictly follow the weekly once salad and fruit diet.
I managed to let go of the past rather had to cope up with a situation forced onto me somewhere in June. I have suffered so much pain thereafter that till today I try to vigorously drive some disturbing thoughts out of my mind. This year I firmly resolve to permanently overcome this and need to have more control over my mind.
That kind of sums up everything ... 2008 wasn’t a good year. I feel it has taken me backwards – by how much remains to be seen. However, it has inflicted some lifelong lessons that I need to take heed of as I move forward. So here are the promises for the New Year, rather the resolutions –
1. & nbsp; Devote more time to spirituality. I have made a start already but now I need to take it to the next level. I will continue to read the “Bhagwad Geeta” and the “Hanuman Chalisa” atleast 15 minutes daily.
2. & nbsp; I need to follow the teachings in “The monk who sold his Ferrari” and plan the day in the morning and reflect on the day at night. Would ideally note the achievement, failures, learning etc in the day. I now feel serious reflection should not be left till the end of the year or when a situation crops up. I wish to chronicle this in my weekly account on the blog. This needs discipline and rigour I promise to do that.
3. & nbsp; I need to enhance my personality through reading good books. My aim is to read atleast one book a month and then write the book review. I plan to read both fiction and non- fiction which can be easily achieved but the challenge would be to balance them.
4. & nbsp; I would also like to spend some quality time with family and friends at the end of each week but this would largely depend on where I manage to get a job and if I manage to relocate my family also to that city.
5. & nbsp; I want to seriously keep tabs on my expenses which hopefully I will keep curtailed. I don’t want to sound thrifty but these days it is not a bad word.
6. & nbsp; Will continue with the works – healthy living, fitness, beauty and hopefully even start meditation sometime later this year. My weight loss target is 57 kgs which somehow seems doable given the regime that I am following. Just a little bit of an effort and more discipline.
7. & nbsp; I need to keep a stronger control over my mind and the thought process. It should be channelized in the right direction – which is more creativity and productivity. To let go finally and completely. I need a little bit of divine intervention here ...
Finally, I end with a little prayer and to seek the Almighty’s blessings so that I can achieve what I have set out to do this year. I need His help so that there are not too many unexpected situations out of my control without there being a workaround like it happened last year.
Conversion - Thousands to a billion
Here is a conversion table I found quite useful. Others might find this useful as well ...
1 Unit
10 Ten
100 Hundred
1000 Thousand
10,000 Ten Thousand
1,00,000 Hundred Thousand or 1 lakh
10,00,000 Thousand thousand or 10 lakhs or 1 million
100,00,000 Hundred Lakhs or 10 million or 1 crore
1000,00,000 Thousand lakhs or 100 million or 10 crore
10000,00,000 Ten thousand lakhs or 1000 million or 100 crore or 1 billion
Cheers!
A wedding reception turned Old Fellow's meet!
Well, quite an interesting day and a rare occasion when an astrologer’s prediction turned true!
The forecast was that I was going on a surprise party to meet old friends and that’s precisely what happened around 9:00 pm on 24th December,’08. It was a good 3 months back when one morning while I was picking up my daily that I accidentally met an old classmate, Kalyan who could recognize me after 18 long years at Spencer’s 
. Things were quiet till Hari, another classmate who is in touch with Kalyan called and we had a long discussion. It is remarkable to hear the accounts of long lost friends who drifted apart then reunited to carry on the saga of everlasting friendship and nor would I feign that ours was going to be another but it did bring a cheer and a smile on my face. The world is indeed round and getting compressed day by day …
We had plans to meet but that seemed a low priority as each of us got busy with our daily routine.
However, last week Kalyan called to catch up and he reminded me about Upendra’s reception this week. I was game for a trip as long as they took me along. So yesterday morning, Hari buzzed me and we planned to go together. I decided to take Aditi along.. so, she knew that mummy also had classmates …lol 
.
Frankly, I didn’t recall Hari at all and he mentioned that I had changed … credit to Kalyan for ‘discovering’ me. I was to be a surprise for Upendra but since he had heard about me … he did recognize me. He seems to have found himself a pretty wife who wanted to make friends with me …. Just to find out how he was in his younger days … Though we were to stay back and catch up on old times – there never really was the time or the occasion to do that. So, after a lavish dinner (though I ate like a pauper), we headed home thanks to Hari for arranging a transport.
Infact, the whole meeting was thanks to Hari’s efforts and look forward to seeing more of them in the future. Before ending, I must confess that I am pleased and feel privileged that my batchmates have done so well for themselves … they are well settled – doctors or doctorates, earning well and enjoying a satisfied life.
God Bless!
BIRTHDAY THOUGHTS
This year has been a very low key celebration with the day not being any different from an ordinary day … I only gave the gym regimen a miss and devoted an extra hour in prayers. Apart from the fact that I am missing my parents a lot, there is also a feeling of melancholy and depression has set into each of our lives – mind you all for uncontrollable factors.
Birthday wishes have come in from close relatives and friends like all other times but things are just not the same. The feeling of enthusiasm, exuberance and bonhomie is absent – I hope everybody is not doing for the sake of formality or maybe I am not happy myself.
It’s been 4 months since I have been handed the pink slip and till today I still search for the elusive offer – time and luck not running my way. I read in the papers about a man in the US who was laid off almost 9 months back and after innumerable failed attempts to find a suitable opportunity he had resorted to ‘beg’ for a job after pinning his credentials on his shirt. Ouch! I dread to even think of getting into his shoes.
Is it my ego or something else that is hurt - the rejection from everywhere which adds up to the pent up exasperation? But things are slow and all the leads have not yielded any positive results. I still don’t know how long I can sit idle and wait for things to change …
When I think back … the reminiscences of my birthday celebrated last year conjure up my mind with many happy and everlasting memories. I will truly cherish those moments although I knew even then that it would for the last time in such company.
Never has uncertainty gripped me so much– who know what holds for me tomorrow although I am sure I need to let go only to embrace changes for a better tomorrow …
Signing off with the anticipation that there is light at the end of the tunnel and when things don’t work your way they work out for the better ….
With Faith.
TERROR ATTACKS
Over the last 6 days I have been riveted to the TV and newspaper following the terror attacks in Mumbai. The latest round of atrocities caused by the miscreants of Pakistani origin seems to have induced a kind of anger in the citizens of this country like no other attack before this and in turn has united the nation. Alas! It took a tragedy to bring us together … No amount of condemnation can truly reflect the sentiments of the people and world leaders alike and I hope this serves as the wake up call to all involved in Governance of the city and the country.
However, I regret to say that some disgruntled politicians still use this incident to gain political mileage while some other make ‘loose’ and irresponsible statements at a time when much of the public resentment is directed to them. I admit that we have seen some welcome change in the handling of this incident with an All party meeting being called, some preliminary actions being taken like augmenting of commando forces, providing them with better combat equipments, streamlining of the various intelligence agencies for better co-ordination etc. Also, we have seen some heads rolling with the change in the Home Ministry and perhaps in the State Government as well. It remains to be seen if that has any impact and improves the efficiency of the system. For once the people of Mumbai tired of the cliché ‘resilience’ and ‘indomitable spirit’ have decided not to put this mayhem at the back of their mind and get on with their lives… I hope and pray that they keep up this spirit.
I salute the contributions of the police and security personnel who have laid down their lives in the line of duty to save thousands of innocent lives - as also to the many hotel staff who helped others not caring for their lives. My heart felt condolences to the affected families of these brave soldiers of India. Rest assured that your sacrifices has inspired a whole new movement in India … While I join the rest of this country in paying my tribute to the deceased, I also pray that their families find the strength to cope up with their loss.
I end with a lot of unanswered question which hopefully our leaders will help us address …
WHAT ARE WE DOING TO AVERT A SIMILAR SITUATION IN THE FUTURE?
IS THE SECURITY IN PUBLIC PLACES ADEQUATE? HOW LONG ARE WE GOING TO CONTINUE TO MAINTAIN DIPLOMATIC TIES WITH PAKISTAN WHILE THEY CONTINUE TO CONDONE THESE ATTACKS?
WHAT IS THE GOVERNMENT DOING TO PUT PRESSURE ON PAKISTAN WHICH SERVES AS THE BREEDING GROUND FOR TERRORISM?
IS OUR INTELLIGENCE WELL EQUIPPED TO WARN US ON IMPENDING ATTACKS AND PLAN A COUNTER ATTACK?
Lastly, I feel that every citizen should be provided with some tips on how to defend themselves and those near them (or atleast learn some safety measures) if they find themselves in the midst of a terror attack… but the question is WHO, WHEN AND HOW WILL WE BE TRAINED?
My Musings Jan 3, 2008
AS stated earlier, this was not about writing everyday but rather noting the important events as they unfurl in my life. I decided to keep this in the office and note down the incidents as they happen. I thought of maintaining a separate one for office but then I knew that won’t be confidential which I hope this will be.
How did my new job go since 22 Oct till the year end?
Let me list down the challenges and achievements so far – I can use it at the time of my PMM. Yay!
I think the induction and training went fine. But I got into action at work from Day 1. The Shared Analytics bit got some focus once I was inducted into the system. I was introduced to a host of new faces but my first contact was with Justin and Smita. And I was partied the first week that I was at work … ha.. ha.. ha. But there has been a lot of work as well. Everything was in a disarray when I joined …
Major Challenges
- Meeting the team and understanding each and every members career aspirations esp. since each of them belong to a different background.
- Adapting myself into a place which has a completely different culture. I am more used to the American way of things, here its European, Swiss actually – everything is quite conservative. However, one good thing is that they don’t expect you to work on Sat and Sun. There is also a more casual attitude – chalta hai, ho jayega … kinds.
- The other interesting thing is – after I joined I realised that there were 3 separate teams – 2 much smaller ones which needed to be managed. And there is a third team underway and this is connected to Vendor Analysis, contracting and sourcing. Quite different from anything that I have ever done but new challenges are exciting.
- Probably the biggest challenge would remain to understand the financial industry and understand the terms associated.
- Biggest disappointment so far was the announcement that there would be an intermediate between boss and us who is the Sr. mgr. We didn’t hear any good things about her (Justin’s feedback based on his association with her – they are ex-colleagues. Worse is the fact that all that seems to hold true even now. This infact will be the biggest challenge – to handle this lady rather than do any work given that I have never reported to any lady so far.
Initially she started by not doing anything but of late she has started grabbing everything and doing it herself. She usually works like 14-15 hours daily creating quite a few issues but such is expected in the corporate set up. Maybe I will be jobless after a while . But as someone says – she is the senior, let her do the hard work if she so desires.
Now a few issues :
- In the absence of a clearly defined job desciprtion, there is role ambiguity leading to confusion.
- Competition within the team – not keeping everyone in loop. This happened in number of cases with the weekly tracker file and had to request her to also keep me in the loop. Now, she has started maintaining it.
- Grabbing client attention – she does all the talking on client calls.
- In one case, she did resource allocation of a team member without consulting me which I later realised must have been prompted by the boss!
- Sending self developed formats directly to the client without even discussing with me.
- Trying to interact directly with team members without involving me in cases where I am around and infact the situation isn’t that urgent.
- A shared presentation was created without involving me. I was just called to give numbers which points towards lack of collaboration.
Given the current circumstances, I should be hopping around like mad and already having a dialogue but through various discussions with Justin and Bharat, I have realized that we need to give her time and by month engage in a talk first with her and then the boss! I am certainly not used upto my potential. But these are early days and thinking about extremes is not the solution. I need to spend atleast one year here.
Goals for the year / Reasons to stay on
- Get the brand name on the resume which I already have but some credible experience will help matters.
- Get the experience of handling 50 odd members as well as some new AMs / TLs.
- Some exposure to BFSI will enhance my chances of hopping into another bank.
Biggest goof up – 
I got into the Contract X meeting which I had no clue about and didn’t know that I need to be knowledgeable about everyone on the call. Boss was angry though I honestly told him that I didn’t know. Needless to say, I learnt everything the next day!!!
Achievements so far …
Hmmm should be the Shared hiring – the status of it changed after I was given the deadline and I met that.
There was also another case where Smita mentioned about a client being particularly impressed with the way we handled a call. I was personally pleased with the way I handled Manoj during the initial calls in the absence of any senior person.
However, since the lady is here and she has cornered all the accolades and so far doing a decent job, I must say.
During her short absence for a week, I also did well. I sold 3 roles and was generally busy handling clients. However, I am sure those might not have been communicated to the boss.
I also dealt with the people issue concerning Phani. I personally feel that it was blown out of proportion but it has delayed his growth prospect to the extent of delaying his confirmation. However, the lesson for me is not to trust any transition person. They all want to earn a few brownie points and my impression on Gaurav is totally changed now.
Per my perspective – I don’t yet know the expectations set for me. Maybe I will be told after 6 months once my confirmation review is ready. They need to inform me then…
I am still quite pissed off with the fact that the lady does not trust me and wants to butt in everywhere. Yesterday, she was discussing on how we need to measure utilization. Gosh … that’s all I did in MT for 3 years.
Also she is getting her people into the team now. I guess this team will really grow now but will that mean my growth – only time will tell. Maybe I will talk to the boss pretty soon about that – where do I go? I am quire angst with the way things are progressing and don’t feel the freedom to perform. Coming from MT – there’s a whole lot of change.
I have decided to upload my chronicle on the blog instead of maintaining a dairy for that purpose. I chose this space as this is the one closest to my heart. Explore my space and keep coming back for more.
Jan 1, 2008
Before I start setting my New Year resolutions, let us review my resolutions for last year.
- Lose weight – lost about 7-8 kgs.
- Learn driving – I started only in Nov but I think I am pretty much there. However, perfection will come only with practice. Will give myself another two months to attain that . So we will revisit in March.
- When I started 2006, I thought I should get a promotion, maybe the Sr. ROM that was not possible at MT. Thankfully, towards the end of the year, I got a much much better opportunity to work with this company. And this couldn’t have come at a better time. I would consider myself lucky that I didn’t even have to shift cities. Now, I wish it had come a year earlier.
So, for 2008, what would I resolve to achieve?
- I guess I should be Sr. Mgr. by the end of this year. Hopefully, a trip to Zurich, but this can’t be a resolution since not much is under my control.
- Compile my weight loss program and reach 60 kgs this year and stay there.
- Skin care treatment should start this year to cure the scar on my chin … it’s high time.
- Switch to healthy diet, One day of the week should be a fruit diet and 2 days should be salads and that apart include a lot of vegetables.
- And this year, I need to let go- its about time. The next 4 months would give me that time and maybe opportunity. I know it will be difficult but I have to try.
However, the first day went pretty well. I grabbed the chance of watching a movie with both hands. It was my first picture in ages and with good company too – the movie was “Welcome”.
Now, how do I wish to use this space – It’s not a daily chronicle – I will use it to vent my thoughts and musings. I realise that some noteworthy and fruitful thoughts and ideas are lost – coz I have a bad memory. So, this space will be an avenue to etch those thoughts, opinions, feelings, rumblings, ravings etc etc. Well now, I need to go to bed because tomorrow is another day and I will get back to work after 4-5 days. That’s a long time. And … I did nothing useful. I didn’t even finish reading up the Contract X manual and OBI doc.
The namesake!
Ae zindagi! .. Yeh lamha filhaal ji lene de!
Known - Unknown faces of Man
He who knows and knows that he knows..."he is intelligent!".
He who knows not and knows that he knows not ..."he is simple, teach him!".
He who knows and knows not that he knows ..."he is sleeping, awake him!"
He who knows not and knows not that he knows not... "he is endangered, keep him safe!".
He who knows not and pretends that he knows..."he is dangerous, avoid him!.
Because, living by is also knowing!